Tranquil poignant believer.
Desires are carved out of lust, with a fire burning inside.Who else agrees? We as human beings are attracted to what is not right for us.Today while i was having my morning coffee out of blue it made me wonder why we humans are so vulnerable creatures to emotions,especially one specific emotion. Love, the emotions that blinds us completely.We give in to love too easy, we fall head over heels for the wrong guy, Maybe for all the right reasons though.( at least we convince ourselves so)
For me it was different with every guy.I was always a believer, I believed in fairy tales. I believed in happily- ever-afters.
How often have we seen such romantic endings to a million love stories and then sighed and gone back in time to the moments spent with that special someone and thought.There are times in our lives when we meet that special guy and life becomes beautiful and worth living.
Some start out as friends and then realize one fine day that this is the person i can't seem to live without,everything seems so incomplete without him. For others it's love at first sight...are there any ringing bells or is there a special sign that god gives us that this is THE ONE for you. I don't know about that,but yes...i am not the same with this one guy as i am with my other guy cronies.(you know what i mean, with all the blushing, palpitations and searching for the right words).They say that everyone in life needs someone to share different colors, all the different emotions and the good and bad of life with.
After several heartaches and thousands of tears, finally it all came down to this one guy.I got to experience the most pure and raw kind of love. The kind of love.when it's good it makes you feel like heaven.I thought this was it, this was the person i am meant to be with.I was so in love with him,so in love that i would do anything for him.True i have been with men, but this time it felt different, he gave me a rush, a high that i did not feel with anyone else. Did i really deserve this? I have never loved anyone or anything my entire life the way i loved him. i loved him in every way i knew how to. Of all the people in this world i never imagined we would go through something so devastating as we did. something so beautiful turned into pure hatred and when he was done with me,i had nothing but bitterness in everybit of what was left.
I remember those first days. How we couldn't get enough of each other, we'd stay up late, talking hours on skype. They say time can reveal someone's true colors. Bit by bit i was becoming a stranger to this new person he had become. The person who could not stand to see a tear rolling down my cheek became the very reason for it, the person who was over protective became the one who abuses me on a daily basis, i was already so much damaged, bitter and almost over the edge when i met him, This whole version of him just killed me inside, he hurt me in ways i couldn't have imagined in my wildest dreams because this was the same guy who'd walk miles just to spend 5 mins with me, this was the same guy who'd stay up with me skyping because i couldn't sleep, this was the same person who had kept me from falling apart during the worst phase of my life.
For me it was different with every guy.I was always a believer, I believed in fairy tales. I believed in happily- ever-afters.
How often have we seen such romantic endings to a million love stories and then sighed and gone back in time to the moments spent with that special someone and thought.There are times in our lives when we meet that special guy and life becomes beautiful and worth living.
Some start out as friends and then realize one fine day that this is the person i can't seem to live without,everything seems so incomplete without him. For others it's love at first sight...are there any ringing bells or is there a special sign that god gives us that this is THE ONE for you. I don't know about that,but yes...i am not the same with this one guy as i am with my other guy cronies.(you know what i mean, with all the blushing, palpitations and searching for the right words).They say that everyone in life needs someone to share different colors, all the different emotions and the good and bad of life with.
After several heartaches and thousands of tears, finally it all came down to this one guy.I got to experience the most pure and raw kind of love. The kind of love.when it's good it makes you feel like heaven.I thought this was it, this was the person i am meant to be with.I was so in love with him,so in love that i would do anything for him.True i have been with men, but this time it felt different, he gave me a rush, a high that i did not feel with anyone else. Did i really deserve this? I have never loved anyone or anything my entire life the way i loved him. i loved him in every way i knew how to. Of all the people in this world i never imagined we would go through something so devastating as we did. something so beautiful turned into pure hatred and when he was done with me,i had nothing but bitterness in everybit of what was left.
I remember those first days. How we couldn't get enough of each other, we'd stay up late, talking hours on skype. They say time can reveal someone's true colors. Bit by bit i was becoming a stranger to this new person he had become. The person who could not stand to see a tear rolling down my cheek became the very reason for it, the person who was over protective became the one who abuses me on a daily basis, i was already so much damaged, bitter and almost over the edge when i met him, This whole version of him just killed me inside, he hurt me in ways i couldn't have imagined in my wildest dreams because this was the same guy who'd walk miles just to spend 5 mins with me, this was the same guy who'd stay up with me skyping because i couldn't sleep, this was the same person who had kept me from falling apart during the worst phase of my life.
I tried to pinpoint the exact moment i lost him,the moment i became something so worthless to him, the moment i had lost myself in the process of loving him. All those things I wanted to be, I couldn’t imagine with anyone but him. but what was i to do when all that i wanted with every ounce of my being was gone? I couldn't escape , I did not know how. No i am not trying to play the victim here. I knew what he was capable of and i knew better ..but how could i have walked away? he was all that i knew.I couldn't undo what had been done. Both of us were to blame. We played our parts like a master in slaughtering all that we had , all that we worked so hard to build.Once again suddenly everything that was so familiar about life felt so foreign. Once again i felt lost and abandoned.
Its hard when its happening and nothing seems to be going the right way ..but believe me, love is very much out there. Though for me it did not turn out the way i wanted , i consider myself lucky, i got to experience the most raw and purest form of love with him, it may not have lasted but i'm glad i had that. I still believe happy endings do exist , not just in fairy tales. If not for love and compassion we humans wouldn't exist. lucky are the ones who already have it and for the rest of us left with a broken heart believe ...BELIEVE.
Its hard when its happening and nothing seems to be going the right way ..but believe me, love is very much out there. Though for me it did not turn out the way i wanted , i consider myself lucky, i got to experience the most raw and purest form of love with him, it may not have lasted but i'm glad i had that. I still believe happy endings do exist , not just in fairy tales. If not for love and compassion we humans wouldn't exist. lucky are the ones who already have it and for the rest of us left with a broken heart believe ...BELIEVE.
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