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The vanity of existence

I’m still figuring this one out myself, as it’s pretty complex and not a cookie cutter definition , it’s different for everyone but the traits and the root of it may stem from the same place. I can only speak from my experience and by no means I am recovered as I am still work-in-progress. I am merely sharing my view on it. Co-dependency is an tricky little bastard that wears multiple masks. It makes you believe you’re “doing” everything for every one, nobody does anything for you. That you’re the one and only person that cares, that’s available, that pays attention. That you never do enough, won’t ever be enough, and in “their” eyes, you’ll never be good enough. It tells you that when someone is sad, mad or sick, it’s your job to make them feel happy, calm them down and make them feel better. Why? Because that’s what friends, family and/or do! If you don’t, you’re an awful person and they will be mad at you, talk crap about you and won’t like you anymore.Basically, you are a mind-read...
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Desultory

There's a calm in the silence of night. A soothing feeling of pure peace,but how many of us exactly get to enjoy that peace? I for one, sure am not one of those people. I often find myself lost in my own thoughts. My mind is a prisoner of it's thoughts and it's something I haven't been able to escape.How many of us build invisible walls around ourselves? how many of us wish and hope to run from the reality that is so bitter.I did not choose this life.Sometimes the worst place you can be is in your head… it’s one of those nights,I find myself, my mind precisely wandering… with scattered thoughts. Here’s a little something, bits and bobs of recent events that has unfolded in my life; If love is a mirror, I wish I could show him the true face that I often hide But babe! He won’t listen,when my lips are open He slowly closes his own  Surges so bright, so fast that I become whirlwind, Vortex,  We were bathing in laughter, laughing at our dreams The mirror man said whose the...
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SAUDADE

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Life is suppose to have meaning...something to live for, something to look forward to,HOPE…just a four lettered word with immense power .  Sometimes darkness can be your best comfort, for it contains many truths that can bring the light to its knees.If recent events have taught me anything that’s not to believe your heart,instead go with your brain..!Calculate! Assess! then only conclude! Above everything else ,Guard your heart at all costs, for its the wellspring of life. I keep asking myself…will I ever stop feeling the constant desire for something that doesn’t and prolly cannot exist?  It’s the soul that aches, not the heart, it’s my sanity that I question,not how I felt ,did I Imagine that? Was it all in my head? In your arms I melted to my core,I forgot where you began and I ended- oh boy! What I wouldn’t give just to feel that once more—just once more! The way he’s able to take me to a mystical land that few people, regardless of their age, ever see, much less inhabit. ...
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LACUNA.

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You are the universe expressing as a human. You came to my life and everything suddenly froze there for a moment. I could write a million plus reasons why i feel the way i feel about you. You had me shining brighter than the sun and with a blink of an eye it was gone.The good sun was gone.It wasn't suppose to go this way, they say the way someone leaves tells you everything about them. I refuse to believe that. Because i know he wouldn't do anything to hurt me...You are the silence i turn to when everything else gets too loud. He knows me inside out, I refuse to believe he would feed on my vulnerabilities and then just abandon me.Was i selfish to hold on? Could it have ended as a 'Happily ever after?' - I wonder what would have been the tale, had it continued the way it did,some called us 'self-destructive' but hey who knew self-destruction felt so sultry,seductive, enticing...yes everything about it felt sexy and welcoming to the core...every time he held my ...
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Tranquil poignant believer.

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Desires are carved out of lust, with a fire burning inside.Who else agrees? We as human beings are attracted to what is not right for us.Today while i was having my morning coffee out of blue it made me wonder why we humans are so vulnerable creatures to emotions,especially one specific emotion. Love, the emotions that blinds us completely.We give in to love too easy, we fall head over heels for the wrong guy, Maybe for all the right reasons though.( at least we convince ourselves so) For me it was different with every guy.I was always a believer, I believed in fairy tales. I believed in happily- ever-afters. How often have we seen such romantic endings to a million love stories and then sighed and gone back in time to the moments spent with that special someone and thought.There are times in our lives when we meet that special guy and life becomes beautiful and worth living. Some start out as friends and then realize one fine day that this is the person i can't seem to live wi...
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AND THEY CALL YOU THE COWARD.

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I believe it's a combination of not understanding what suicidal feelings are like, and not understanding how much it takes to decide you don't want to live any more. why do we forget that we are designed to survive. We have the evolutionary survival instinct to keep us going so we can make more humans and carry the cycle on.Is that all that is to it ? To get to the point where you are fighting your true being, something must be intrinsically wrong. When it feels like your whole world is wrong and there is nothing but pain, the idea of stopping that pain is all you want. My perspective is some of us realize the world for what it's worth, how society is structured, and based upon these observations I don't think I'm meant to be here,I don't think I'm enjoying myself at all, ever. I don't think anyone deserves to live this way. Is it cowardly to opt out of an experience you never signed up for? Is it cowardly try to escape what you cannot handle? I think ...
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We 'THE BEAUTIFUL' Souls.

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Yes...i do know life isn't about rainbows and butterflies always,and i learned this the hard way. Some days it just doesn't feel right , doesn't feel like i belong. I try to fit in like any other normal person does , blend in with the crowd but somehow even in the noisiest crowd i feel hollow inside. Is that normal? Does all of us sometimes feel the same way? I don't know about anyone else but this feeling has been my only constant friend for a long time. Growing up as a obese kid always had left me wondering with how my life would have been if i were just like everyone else, not only in my childhood , this has affected me in ways i couldn't have imagined, of course when i was in my teens i was a bad-ass , but being obese had limitations, i grew up being socially awkward , i'd avoid crowds , i had such low self-esteem and my confidence level? Don even get me started on it! Even to this date i am still insecure with everything about me.This has been life for me...
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